Divorced parents: How you can help your child adjust to a new school
Your kids are usually excited about going back to school. They get to reunite with old friends, make new ones, and see who their new teachers are. This time it’s different. You and your spouse divorced last spring, and after obtaining custody, you moved to a new neighborhood and, by proxy, a new school district. Your kids won’t know anyone there, students or teachers, and they’re anxious.
There are a few things you can do to ease the transition. One is not to dismiss their worry. When they express concern that no one will like them at the new school or their teachers won’t be as nice as their previous ones, never say, “Don’t be so silly: you’ll be just fine.” Instead, reassure them that such an outcome is unlikely, but suggest ways they can prevent it even more, such as sharing with peers and finishing their homework on time.
Other recommended steps are outlined below.
Stick to old routines
Your children have had a whirlwind summer. Their parents separated, they only live with you now, and they’ve moved to a new neighborhood. To prevent a new school from overwhelming them too, try to observe as many of your old family routines as possible. If you bought back-to-school clothes from the same mall in the past, go back there to shop this time. Plan to pack their favorite traditional lunches.
Visit the new school
Kids can be anxious when they don’t know what to expect. Once it’s been confirmed where they will be going to school this year, take them to visit the building and walk on the grounds. Some schools even allow new students to tour the classrooms, lunchroom, gym, and other amenities before classes begin, giving them an added sense of going to school there will be like.
Talk regularly
Communication is important. Don’t overdo it by constantly asking the children if they are okay, because older kids can be irritated by incessant “check ins” and younger ones will wonder if there is indeed something to be anxious about. Make it clear that you are always there to listen and, unless you suspect that your child really does need prompting to express their feelings, leave it at that.
Look out for mentors
Chances are that there are other kids in the neighborhood who will be going to the same school. Once you meet the parents, ask them if their children can help yours transition into the new routine. Your kids may not only make new friends in the process, but they may also be more apt to talk to a peer than a parent.
Going to a new school likely isn’t the only “first” your children have ever experienced. Perhaps they went to summer camp or took a cross-country trip and had fun in the process. Remind them of those times, so that they can be wired to anticipate good outcomes instead of the reverse.
If you are considering a divorce and a child is in the picture, then it is best to contact an experienced attorney for legal representation. The lawyers at Eskin & Eskin, P.C. have more than 40 years of combined legal experience and offer free consultations. Their office is located near the Bronx courthouses and they can be reached at 718-402-5204. Visit www.EskinAndEskinLaw.com to learn more.
