Parental alienation: What it is and how to cope

When divorce divides a family, children are in genuine need of a strong and loving relationship with both parents. What they don’t need is to be shoved into the middle of a personal vendetta. Unfortunately, some parents insist on punishing their former spouse by manipulating the children into rejecting that person. It’s a course of conduct that can damage everyone involved, often permanently.

Parental alienation is a series of actions or course of conduct in which one parent intentionally uses negative and manipulative actions to alienate the children from their other parent. They deliberately wage a spiteful and damaging campaign to sabotage and permanently damage their child’s healthy relationship with their ex-spouse.

So what motivates such behavior? Common causes for parental alienation include:

• Revenge for an unwanted separation or divorce
• Wanting to tear down and discredit the other parent as part of a bid for sole custody
• Anger and jealousy over the presence of a new partner in their former spouse’s life
• Dissatisfaction with their new, divorced identity

They carry out their alienation campaign in ways like the following:

• Severely limiting or even cutting off communication with the children
• Obstructing court-ordered visitation on a routine basis
• Lying to the children by telling them that the other parent doesn’t love them or want to see them
• Unjustly vilifying the other parent to the children
• Encouraging the children to join in on the vilification and rewarding them when they do so

Such actions are ultimately self-defeating because New York courts tend to make custody decisions in favor of targeted parents when they are able to prove that their ex manipulated the children for personal and selfish reasons.

What to watch out for

If your children are exhibiting any of the behaviors listed below, then parental alienation may be to blame:

• They show animosity towards you and insist that they never loved you and vice-versa
• They blame you for the breakup, using words that sound suspiciously coached or rehearsed
• They always praise and side with your ex while putting you down
• They reject your family as well, scorning and ignoring aunts, uncles, and grandparents they once adored

If you believe that your former spouse is alienating your children against you, then contact a qualified family law attorney who can help you tackle the underhanded conduct and prevent further alienation. The value of your relationship with your kids cannot be underestimated, and it is truly distressing to have your relationship with your children tainted by actions deliberately intended to alienate them from you. A skilled and compassionate family law attorney will assist you in re-establishing your rightful place in your children’s’ lives and counsel you on the best way to undo the damage, so you can all enjoy the parent-child relationship you are meant to have. The attorneys of Eskin & Eskin, P.C., a family law firm for family law matters, have more than 40 years of combined experience. They offer free legal consultations and can be reached at 718-402-5204. Visit www.EskinAndEskinLaw.com to learn more.